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So I got a coloring book. Sure…it’s one of the adult ones but it’s still a coloring book. I’m 40…er…something, I have a BFA and I have a coloring book.

I’d had the coloring book for a couple weeks, feeling sort of silly for not only wanting it but for buying it. I didn’t have anything to color in it with so that was my excuse for keeping it tucked away on the bookshelf. But with the Hubs gone on a business trip, I’d picked up colors on the way home from work and was ready to dive in.

There’s boxes that look just like the ones that used to hold Crayola Crayons when I was a kid – yellow with a lid that folds back to reveal a grandstand of colors all ready for the main event. Except now the box on my desk holds markers instead of their waxy predecessors. Oh how I miss names like Sea Green or Periwinkle or Sepia. Instead these have nothing on their plastic white cases. It’s a little sad frankly.

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I carefully thumb through all the beautiful, intricate designs covering the pages, considering which would be the best selection for my coloring book comeback. After devoting way too much time to this decision, I picked a page, cracked open the yellow lidded box and proceeded to promptly freeze.

I was intimidated. Afraid to make choices. Worried I’d do it wrong. Worried it would turn out ugly. And then there’s that whole staying inside the lines thing.

When did this happen to me?

As a kid I would have grabbed my favorite colors (purple and pink) and got to work, never giving it a second thought, let alone a third or fourth. I keep reminding myself, it’s a coloring book, just a coloring book. No one will ever have to see.

Hi. My name is Linda and I’m a closet colorer.

Why does it seem to get harder and harder to find that inner child? Life piles on. Fears comes with it. There’s expectations of how an adult should act. Expectations that have shoved that inner child deep into a trunk in the crawl space. It’s a sad state of affairs.

Therefore I dub 2016 the year of having more fun. I opened the coloring book to the page that says “Chase after your dreams” and after asking my inner critic to kindly exit the room, I pulled out the purple and pink markers and got started.

And it was awesome.

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